Friday, February 29, 2008

How DO You Meet Someone to Date?

We meet many people who are lonely … or just interested in finding a romantic partner. The question, of course, arises about WHERE do you find them … if you are no longer young enough to still be in school and most of the people who are in the accepted dating range do not comprise a large pool.

There are some of the obvious choices, church groups, activities, business meetings, wherever people are gathering … and one of the best, through mutual friends. Many today are also branching out into the on-line dating services and these can work quite well for many. We will write more about this in another spot.

The most important thing to remember is to present yourself as someone who is open to meeting others and possibly dating. Make eye contact with other people … women and men. Practice small talk with people in natural spots like grocery lines, doctor’s offices, bookstores, your children’s ballgames, etc. Ask questions about other people and become interested in what is happening with them in their lives. Reach out to others by inviting them to do something with you or just phone to say “hello”.

Interview everyone that you can about how they met their partner. You may find some unique and interesting ideas for what to do to meet someone that you want to spend time with.

Consider setting a few goals for yourself each week that would put you in a spot to meet someone and practice one socializing … even possible flirting … behavior.

I am going to share with you some of the places that our friends met and invite you to visit our blog and add ideas of your own. In each of these instances, the couple became friends before romance developed.

Sam and Lisa, both scuba divers, met at a local dive club.
Ann and Jerry met at a professional organization.
Tom and Sara met through a local service organization.
Steve and Andrea met while both were walking their dogs in the park … and started talking after nodding
and greeting each other several times.
Martha and Bill met at their son’s baseball games. He was the coach and she was a very involved mom.
Doug and Marsha met at a local ballroom where they were both taking ballroom dancing classes.

How did you meet your partner? What creative ideas have you heard about?

Monday, February 25, 2008

Tip of the Week, February 25, 2008

Acceptance promotes healthy relationships. Find ways to accept differences with your partner. You cannot change another person and many habits that may annoy you may not be worth getting upset about … or having a fight or even a conversation about. Find ways to accept your partner for who he/she is. It will make things easier for both of you.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Tip of the Week, February 18, 2008

Try new things and new places on your date nights. Recent research is showing that, while it is common for romantic love to diminish over time, novelty helps to stimulate those feelings. While a change in patterns will not heal a seriously damaged relationship, it can help to re-ignite some of those feelings of fun, interest and excitement. Take a drive down a different country road, go to a new restaurant, walk through a different park. Listen to a new music group in a place that you have never been before. Visit a gallery that you have never visited … be creative in your new experiences.

Friday, February 15, 2008

How Can I Get Him To Talk To Me?

So many women would love to hear more from their men … about their day, about their friendships, about their hopes and dreams and about what is bothering them. Often men are just not as verbal as women … so what is a woman to do?

Here are some tips to try.

* See this as a long-term project, not necessarily something that will happen quickly. Notice and appreciate each small step.

* Focus a great deal on his positives and the positives of the relationship. A lot of men say that they do not talk because they fear criticism. After you have created an atmosphere of positively, men are more likely to open up.

* Share a little bit about yourself. Talk about your day, your struggles, your dreams … and then just be quiet. Some people … often men … formulate what they are going to say in their head before saying it out loud. Give him time to do that.

* Ask simple questions like “Anything interesting happen at work today?” or “How was the boss today? Give anyone a hard time?” The questions should be ones that would not be too loaded. Ask only one or two questions, not a lot … and just be quiet to give him a chance to respond.

* Think about this … while more people feel better about talking about what bothers them, some feel worse. Your man just may be one of them. Let him lead the way.

* Look for times around an activity to begin the conversation … on a walk, driving in the car without the children, sitting at the table over coffee after dinner … or invite him to join you for a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop.

* When he does talk, do not offer advice or comments, just listen …and ask questions to get a better understanding.

* Let him know that you enjoyed hearing about his day, that it really helps you to know and love him even more.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Recipe for a Healthy Marriage

5 ounces of positive affirmations and gratitude

*Tell your partner all of the things that you like about him … and about your relationship together. Incorporate hugs, kisses and non-sexual touching.

4 ounces of open communication.

* Share what is going on in your life … at work, with friends. Let her know about your hopes and dreams.
* If there is something going on that bothers you, find a way to let her know rather than bottle it up and keep it inside.
* Be curious and inquisitive about your partner‘s life as well … and listen very carefully.

2 ounces of time alone together.

* Create your shelter and be alone together.
* Find a way to have a protected date every week, (even if you do not go anywhere).
* Develop a regular ritual each day where you spend a few minutes and just check in with each other.

1 ounce of sharing the load.
* Work together with housework and caring for the children.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Romantic Tip Number Seven

When talking with your sweetheart, look deep into his or her eyes. Hold that gaze for two minutes and notice the connection that you feel.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Romantic Tip Number Six

Number 14 chocolate kisses, arrange them where your partner will find them throughout the day.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Romantic Tip Number Three

Find a fun and romantic picture of the two of you, write a note and leave it somewhere to be found.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Romantic Tip Number Two

Buy a journal and begin to record special moments together. Open the journal up every few weeks, read what has happened and add to it. Every anniversary ... read the past year ... maybe visit other years ... and begin a new page.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Romantic Tip Number One

Valentine's Day is only a week away. We will put a different idea for how to be romantic on the blog each day.
Here is one for today.
Download your sweetheart's favorite song and send it to her/him in an email.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Stories of Success .. With Parenting

The Impact of Being Nice and Caring

One young woman that I know came from a very difficult childhood. Her father was an alcoholic and her mother left when she was only 4. Cindy had 2 young children and was a wonderful mother. She had not been so successful with men, however, moving from one relationship to another.

One day I asked Cindy about how she learned how to be such a good mother … since she certainly did not receive good parenting when she was growing up. Cindy told me about her third grade teacher, Mrs. Potts. Mrs. Potts found out a little about Cindy’s life at home and also knew that she was having a difficult time with school, particularly math. She approached her dad and asked if she could pick Cindy up in the morning before school and work with her on her math. Cindy’s dad agreed so Mrs. Potts began picking her up. She would then take her back to her home where she would feed her a good breakfast, fix a lunch for her for school and help her with her schoolwork. At Christmas, she bought her some presents and had a special lunch for her. Throughout the school year, she taught Cindy about success at school … and about the good things about herself. After Cindy finished third grade, the visits stopped … but the kindness and concern that Mrs. Potts showed her remained in her mind and her heart … and she knew that she wanted to give her children what Mrs. Potts had given her.

Monday, February 4, 2008


It is easier for some people to become flooded when in a disagreement. Their heart rate rises, and they are unable to think clearly. It is at times like this that the “fight or flight” response sets in. Arguments either escalate as voices become louder and say mean and ugly things … or someone runs away.

Frequently when one person runs away from an argument, the normal reaction for the other person is to try to catch them … and this only makes things worse. The one left behind also feels frustrated, hurt, angrier and issues never get resolved.

So … what can you do if one person feels a need to run away? Here are some things to try … as a beginning way to learn new ways to talk with each other.

* Respect the fact that your partner does need a time out … an opportunity to calm down.

* Give him some space before starting any conversation with him.

* Begin the discussion in a calm and loving way such as “I know that we have a hard time talking about this subject and I want to try again. Is this a good time? If not, when would be a good time?” or “Let me understand your feelings on this subject before I even talk to you about mine.”

* If you can see that your partner is getting upset, suggest another time out … and try again later.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Tip of the Week, February 4, 2008

Learn a new activity together. Learn ballroom dancing, tennis, golf, scuba diving. Start taking a yoga class together, join a neighborhood group, start an investment club. Brainstorm ideas for activities that you can join … and enjoy … together

Friday, February 1, 2008


Sandy and Jeff were both proud of their witty, sarcastic sense of humor. It was one of the things that attracted them to each other. When discussing every-day happenings, world events or work experiences, it helped them feel connected and they admired the other’s intelligence and wit. When the humor took on a personal nature, however, it was not so funny. When it was used in an argument, it was very hurtful and eroded feelings of love and good will. Over time, it became harder and harder for Sandy and Jim to recover those feelings of love, appreciation, admiration and respect.

Being disrespectful, treating your partner, either verbally or nonverbally, as if they were stupid, incompetent or unworthy of being taken seriously, will damage and destroy a relationship quickly. In order to be heard or make a point in a disagreement, talking respectfully, remembering that the health of the relationship is more important than winning, will hold a relationship together. Being respectful does not imply agreement, rather it states “you are important … and our relationship is important.”

Sandy and Jeff were able to recognize the problems with the sarcasm as they softly shared feelings about how they felt during the arguments. They were able to talk about their love for each other and apologize for the hurt that their statements had caused. Over time, and with lots of practice, they were able to take responsibility for what they said and change the habit of sarcasm when talking about each other or having a disagreement.