Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Are You Ready for a New Relationship? Questions to Help You Assess Your Readiness for a New Relationship

Take time, significant time and go slowly into any new relationship.

Often people think that the best way to heal from a broken heart is to get right back into a new relationship. That can be such a mistake. Entering a new relationship without first gaining distance, perspective and understanding is like trying to cover up a wound without cleaning it out first.

Lost relationships deserve to be grieved. Even if the choice was yours to end it, there is still the loss of the hopes and the dreams that must be faced.

While there is no clear formula for how much time to wait before beginning a new relationship, think in terms of months rather than weeks. Some experts suggest that you should wait a month for every year that you were in the relationship before jumping back into another one.

Thinking, journaling, talking out loud with a trusted friend or therapist will help you walk this walk in a way that will allow you to come out stronger, smarter and with more emotional intelligence.

Here are some suggestions for questions to journal, think and talk out loud about. Be sure to go through them several times. With distance, there can be new understanding.

Questions about the relationship that just ended.
Look to the relationship that has just ended for learning about yourself in a relationship. Understand, as well as you can, what you did well and what might help you choose and/or be a better partner in a new relationship.

These questions are good ones to ask yourself as a relationship is ending, several weeks after it is over and again several months later. Distance often brings new perspective.

* Why do I think that my last relationship ended?
* What would my partner say was the reason that the relationship did not work?
* Is there any pattern between the ending of this relationship and the ending of other relationships?
* Is this relationship truly over or is there unfinished business with that partner?
* How intense are my feelings for my former partner, both positive and negative?
* Have I accepted completely the end of the relationship and the hope that it will pick up again some day?
* Have I fully grieved the loss of that relationship?

Check back and check in to read more of our suggestions for questions to answer between relationships and before becoming involved again.