Tip of the Week

For a marriage to have any chance, every day at least six things should go unsaid.
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Long Distance Relationships, Top 10 Survival Tips

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Does distance in a relationship make hearts grow fonder … or fonder of someone else?

Definitely there are more challenges to having a successful relationship when there is a separation but many couples have been able to do it successfully and others can as well.

Here are 10 tips for growing and maintaining a healthy relationship even when separated by many miles and long periods of time.

1. Discuss together the level of commitment to each other and to the relationship.

Have lengthy discussions about what you want from yourself and each other in this relationship while you are apart. Some couples believe that they are in the same place when really they are in different spots, they have just not talked out loud about their differences.
Assume nothing. Discuss everything.
Will you be monogamous when apart as well as together?
How will you deal with attractions to others?
How will you handle loneliness?
What about time alone with co-workers of the opposite sex?

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Counseling Relationships Online.com
Couples Counseling of Louisville.com

Tip of the Week

Write a pledge for your marriage.

In this statement, vow to do what you can to be a good spouse … specifically … and note good things about your relationship and your time with each other.

Your pledge might sound something like this.

“I, ________, promise to act in loving and respectful ways with you. I cherish you for your honesty and caring commitment to me and to our relationship. I promise to answer questions that you have openly and honestly and listen to you without judgment.”

Read your pledge to each other every night. Update them as you go through your life together.

The P, Q and Rs of Marriage

P = Being Positive can go a long way in the health of a marriage. Focus on what is good and working rather than what is wrong and needs to change.
Q = Quality Time is important. In healthy relationships, couples understand that they may not have a lot of time together, especially when they are building careers and family, so they make sure that they time that they do have is of high quality.
R = Resilience. Couples are able to repair damage to their relationship quickly rather than let angry and negative feelings fester for a longer time.
S = Couples in healthy relationships have Sensitivity to how what they say and do affects their partner. They choose their words and how they say them in ways that show respect and care, even when feeling hurt or angry.
T = Talk to each other always as if she or he was someone that they love.
U = Develop Understanding for their partner’s point of view, even if they do not agree with or like it.
V = Veracity with love. They strive to be honest with each other and yet do not believe that they must always “tell it like it is”. There are no secrets and always kindness.
W =Wondering, questioning and seeking ideas for new and interesting things to do as a couple.
X = Xerox. When couples find something that works, they are likely to try it again. Rather than “correcting” mistakes, they look to repeat what works.
Y = Yes. Couples in healthy relationships are more likely to say “yes” to their partner than they are to say “no” for any reasonable request.
Z = Zing. Successful couples know that looking for ways to add interest and excitement to their relationship keeps it vital and healthy.

IJK's of Marriage

I = Are Inquisitive about their partner’s day and life. This helps your partner to feel cared about. Learning about what happens in each other’s life helps to build a couple’s love map.
J = Bring Joy to the relationship. Joy breeds joy.
K = Kindness, even on rough days, can turn things around quickly and change negative interactions to positive ones.
L = Couples in healthy relationships laugh a lot. Humor together repairs much damage, especially during a disagreement.
M = Motivated, always, to be a good spouse. When one person is a good spouse, it affects the other’s willingness to reciprocate.
N = Nurture the relationship and your spouse. It is easy to let the relationship cruise on auto-pilot and yet that is what can take a relationships down a wrong path.
O = Couples in healthy relationships are Open to a different viewpoint, to a change in a routine or ritual, to your partner’s hopes and dreams.

The ABC’s of Marriage

We want to share with you some tips for a successful marriage.

A = Acceptance is a key. We all have things about our partner that we would like to see different. They have those same feelings about us. A key to a healthy relationship is to accept those differences and not try to change another person.
B = Make sure that your spouse is your best friend.
C = Communication is very important … open, honest and direct but kind.
D = Discover new things together. Learn new things about each other and try out new experiences … a great way to keep the relationship new and interesting.
E = Learn how to be an Emotionally intelligent partner. Discover ways to effectively handle emotions in the relationship.
F = Healthy partners learn to Forgive even though you may never forget. They let go of the little things and find ways to work through the important issues on the path to forgiveness.
G = Be Giving in your relationship, not to the detriment of your own mental or physical health, but find ways to let your spouse know that you love and appreciate him or her.
H = Humor is critical for any relationship. In healthy partnerships, couples can laugh together, see the fun and silliness in their struggles and, respectfully, in each other. Humor lightens any load.

Counseling Relationships Online

Give Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt

Most of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that affected our partner, intentionally or unintentionally. In fact, research shows that most people will do something that is hurtful to their partner in any long-term relationship.

Many of us have also done nice or neutral things that our partner has misinterpreted as mean, evil or hurtful. We never meant them to be hurtful but by clumsiness or negative interpretations, others have seen them as unkind or ugly.

Jan and Terry have gotten into a very tough spot. Neither of them seems to be able to do anything right … even if they are trying to turn things around.

Jan knows that Terry loves the cinnamon buns from their neighborhood bakery. The last time she brought him one, really as a peace offering, he thought it was a bribe just to get her way.

Nancy and Jim are stuck in the same cycle , especially around sex. Nancy wants simple physical affection from Jim and yet, when he tries to hug or kiss her, she sees it as his attempts to move directly to sex.

Jim sees her backing away as a power move to hurt him.

When couples move into this negative pattern, it is so hard to see the other’s attempts to repair the damage as anything but manipulative maneuvering. I often hear partners say to each other, “I cannot afford to let my guard down with you or you will roll all over me“.

And yet, for even half of a couple to let their guard down and see a step forward as a positive thing, giving their partner the benefit of the doubt, must happen.

Give Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt

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Counseling Relationships Online.com
Couples Counseling of Louisville.com