Most couples that have been together for some time, know that excitement and passion can wane. Some of the biggest contributors are fatigue, lack of time, loss of “newness” and falling into routines that do not engender excitement. Of course, it is also common to hear about a lack of interest in couples with a lot of unresolved conflict. Distance, hurt and anger in the relationship also contribute to a loss of feelings of connectedness and respect.
Many men, as well as many women, report that they need intimacy outside of the bedroom before being at all interested in intimacy inside the bedroom.
Here are some thoughts to remember when you and your partner are looking for ways to fire up the relationship.
· It is very important to tend to the needs of the relationship, to learn healthy communication and conflict resolutions skills.
· Are old wounds so deep or does the behavior continue in hurtful ways? If so, you need to pay special care and possibly talk things over with a professional therapist.
· Are the wounds old and has the behavior changed? If so, are these past injustices or hurts ones that you must just find ways to let go of them and forgive your partner?
· While it is not always the case, sometimes it is good to just reconnect with intimacy and let that be the lubrication for reconnecting in other ways.
· Make sure to find ways to let your partner know that he or she is very important to you and that you want to reconnect because he or she truly is the one that you love and want to be with.
· Offer to help your spouse with housework and childcare. One research study showed a clear positive connection between increased sexual frequency and men who helped with housework.
· Make sure to find time during each day to connect with your spouse and to protect sacred time with her/him on a regular basis.
· Talk out loud with your partner about what you like, find interesting and attractive about each other.
· Since the brain is the largest sexual organ, find time during the day to think, for just a few moments, about romance with your partner.
These are some beginning ideas. We will share more with other topics and would welcome your comments on our blog.