8. Stay positive with your spouse. When you need to tell him about problems with the children, find a way to do it softly and gently. These are his children and criticisms about them will feel like a criticism of him and his parenting. Recognize his difficult role and strategize with him about how to handle problems. You want your marriage to make it long after these children have grown up and have left home.
9. Accept the fact that you may never love these children; in fact, it may be hard to even like them much of the time. That happens in many step families. Find some aspects of them and their personalities to like and show them respect. Watch for any changes along the way as you, and they, age together.
10. Be your own best friend. Find time to be alone, exercise, visit with friends and talk with other women in the same situation. This is a long process and there is no quick and easy answer. Take care of yourself and build your stamina for the long haul.
While many step families do not survive, there are also many that do. With patience, humor and a lot of working together, you can be one of those who make it work.
Do you have any experiences or questions to share with us? We welcome your comments, questions and feedback.
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Showing posts with label being a successful stepmother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being a successful stepmother. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Four More Strategies for Being a Successful Stepmother
4. Try not to take negative experiences too personally. Many of the challenges that you have are because of your role with their dad, the divorce, their age or a whole host of other things and not about you.
5. Encourage children to spend time alone with their dad as well as with their mother and other relatives. Let them see that you respect these other relationships that preceded your introduction into the family.
6. Find time alone with each of your stepchildren on a daily basis, even if it is only for a few minutes. Use the time to catch up with them and with what is going on in their lives. Children tend to be drawn to adults who really seem to value them and their ideas. In addition, go to bat for them when it is appropriate. Let them see that you want to be their ally and respect their needs.
7. Do not expect appreciation from your stepchildren … until they are well into adulthood. This may be difficult as you are changing your life and schedule to accommodate them and their needs; however, they are children. They also may have divided loyalties and believe that showing appreciation to you is being disloyal to their mom. Keep doing nice things and, eventually, it will pay off.
5. Encourage children to spend time alone with their dad as well as with their mother and other relatives. Let them see that you respect these other relationships that preceded your introduction into the family.
6. Find time alone with each of your stepchildren on a daily basis, even if it is only for a few minutes. Use the time to catch up with them and with what is going on in their lives. Children tend to be drawn to adults who really seem to value them and their ideas. In addition, go to bat for them when it is appropriate. Let them see that you want to be their ally and respect their needs.
7. Do not expect appreciation from your stepchildren … until they are well into adulthood. This may be difficult as you are changing your life and schedule to accommodate them and their needs; however, they are children. They also may have divided loyalties and believe that showing appreciation to you is being disloyal to their mom. Keep doing nice things and, eventually, it will pay off.
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