4. Try not to take negative experiences too personally. Many of the challenges that you have are because of your role with their dad, the divorce, their age or a whole host of other things and not about you.
5. Encourage children to spend time alone with their dad as well as with their mother and other relatives. Let them see that you respect these other relationships that preceded your introduction into the family.
6. Find time alone with each of your stepchildren on a daily basis, even if it is only for a few minutes. Use the time to catch up with them and with what is going on in their lives. Children tend to be drawn to adults who really seem to value them and their ideas. In addition, go to bat for them when it is appropriate. Let them see that you want to be their ally and respect their needs.
7. Do not expect appreciation from your stepchildren … until they are well into adulthood. This may be difficult as you are changing your life and schedule to accommodate them and their needs; however, they are children. They also may have divided loyalties and believe that showing appreciation to you is being disloyal to their mom. Keep doing nice things and, eventually, it will pay off.