Tip of the Week

Give your spouse or partner the same benefit of the doubt that you do for a child. Recognize that if he is cranky or she is a bit sharp, it may be because she or he has had a hard day, did not sleep, is hungry or bothered by something that has nothing to do with you.

Is It Nagging … or Is It Motivational Speaking?

Or are you just caught up in a terrible downward spiral going nowhere fast?

That awful cycle of complaining and withdrawing and both feeling controlled shows up in many marriages that we see at Couples Counseling of Louisville and couples that we talk with through Counseling Relationships Online.

Nagging, or making the same request over and over again, usually does not get the desired result. Instead, it generally leads to a downward spiral with negative thoughts and feelings about each other and withdrawing, feeling discounted, misunderstood, controlled or unimportant.

Many people don’t realize that nagging can lead to more divorces than affairs because nagging leads to negativity throughout the relationship.

Here is the story of one couple who really started out in a good place. Problems crept in over time as they each set different priorities for their weekends and had different ideas about common marital differences like neatness vs. messiness.

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Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville

Tip of the Week

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

When our children are cranky or irritable, we think of them as being sleepy, hungry or wet.

Do the same for your partner. Look for a different meaning for his or her behavior. Pay attention to what you notice.

Managing Family Holiday Stress

Being with family over the holidays can be very stressful. Here are some strategies for taking charge and directly managing the stress that this time of the year can bring.

Be positive and complimentary whenever you can. Don’t make things up, be realistic; however, remember that positivity breeds positivity and it may lead to a friendlier atmosphere for the family.

Avoid divisive subjects. Find ways to change the discussion or even leave the room. This is not a time to solve the world problems or dissect the latest election.

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Tip of the Week

You're not going to be in love all the time, but if you want to recapture that magic from when you were in love, be loving.

Being loving to your partner makes you feel so good about yourself, it doesn't matter if you're in love or not.

The marriage is making you feel good if you are loving in
it."

~Frank Pittman

Test: Are You a Candidate for Holiday Stress?

Take this quiz to find out if you are a candidate for experiencing holiday stress.

The holidays are upon us. For some, this is an exciting and wonderful time. For others it is dreaded and avoided where ever possible. For everyone, it can be a time of poor habits and self-care which quickly lead to holiday stress.

Too much to do and too many people to care for; or too little to do and too few people in your life can both add up to holiday stress and lead to physical, emotional or mental health problems.

Instructions for the holiday stress test:
To determine your score and see if you are a candidate for stress this holiday season, answer Yes or No to each of these questions.

Give yourself 5 points for each "No" statement on the holiday stress test.

1. I am able to be very realistic about what to expect from myself over the holidays.
2. I anticipate the holidays with genuine pleasure most of the time.
3. I know how to set a budget for holiday gifts and stick with it.
4. Christmas shopping and spending a lot of money on gifts are not the most important part of this season.
5. I am very realistic of what I can expect from others over the holidays.
6. I have a partner to celebrate the holidays with me.

Click here to take the rest of the test.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

Jobs, Children and Marriage: 10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

During the early years of marriage, couples focus on building a nest, settling into careers and having children.

It is too easy, after the knot is tied, to focus less on the relationship and more on the job or the children which is why the divorce rate is so high for this time in a couple‘s life. It is not that spouses love each other less, it is more because they find themselves drawn in other directions and away from each other.

Things can erode before anyone recognizes what happens. Neither spouse is usually the “bad one”. The distancing usually just happens as life evolves.

As couples grow apart by failing to nurture the marriage, they open themselves up for one or both to become unhappy and lonely. Problems don’t get resolved, fun dissipates and opportunities for affairs or enjoying the single life with friends and colleagues can become more interesting than what is happening at home.

We have 10 ways to keep the love alive and make your marriage a priority.

1. Have a technology free-zone.
Cell phones, face book, video games … all are distractions for intimacy and have their own inherent problems. Designate a period of time each day to put the technology away and enjoy each other and the relationship.

Click here to read the rest of the article.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville