There is a therapist in all of us. Calm yourself and listen to your own inner wisdom.

Tip of the Week

"Have you decided what to get for your valentine this year? You could try something classic, like chocolates. Or something blingy,

like earrings. Or sexy, like lingerie.

"But if you really want to improve your relationship, you should give your loved one an i.o.u.

"Find a nice piece of stationery, and in your most graceful lettering, assert: 'I promise to write about our next three fights as though I were a neutral observer.' Then, doodle a heart on the page, stick it in a pretty envelope and give it to that special someone over dinner.

New research suggests that this may be the most valuable present you’ll ever give. After all, conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships, and the way people navigate it can affect not only their happiness, but their mental and physical health as well."

Diane Sollee, SmartMarriages

Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!

Throughout our many years of counseling couples who are in the beginning stages of recovering from an affair, we have heard the question “How long do we have to talk about this?” many times.

Affairs are so hard on couples to work through, but not impossible. One research study reported that 70% of couples who experience an affair are able to work through the effects successfully.

There is a common theme among those who were unfaithful … “let’s move on” and for their partners it is “we have a lot to talk about.” So … the question for the therapist is often “how long DO we have to talk about the affair”?

The answer, of course, is different for each situation and couple but generally there are some guidelines:

For effective affair recovery: Talk about it whenever the hurt partner needs to … for the first few days.

After that, find ways to limit the conversation to much smaller amounts of time in order to allow the relationship to heal and recover.

Click on this link to read the rest of the article "Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!"

Counseling Relationships Online.com
Healing from Affairs.com

Tip of the Week

Give your spouse or partner the same benefit of the doubt that you do for a child. Recognize that if he is cranky or she is a bit sharp, it may be because she or he has had a hard day, did not sleep, is hungry or bothered by something that has nothing to do with you.

Is It Nagging … or Is It Motivational Speaking?

Or are you just caught up in a terrible downward spiral going nowhere fast?

That awful cycle of complaining and withdrawing and both feeling controlled shows up in many marriages that we see at Couples Counseling of Louisville and couples that we talk with through Counseling Relationships Online.

Nagging, or making the same request over and over again, usually does not get the desired result. Instead, it generally leads to a downward spiral with negative thoughts and feelings about each other and withdrawing, feeling discounted, misunderstood, controlled or unimportant.

Many people don’t realize that nagging can lead to more divorces than affairs because nagging leads to negativity throughout the relationship.

Here is the story of one couple who really started out in a good place. Problems crept in over time as they each set different priorities for their weekends and had different ideas about common marital differences like neatness vs. messiness.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville

Tip of the Week

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

When our children are cranky or irritable, we think of them as being sleepy, hungry or wet.

Do the same for your partner. Look for a different meaning for his or her behavior. Pay attention to what you notice.

Managing Family Holiday Stress

Being with family over the holidays can be very stressful. Here are some strategies for taking charge and directly managing the stress that this time of the year can bring.

Be positive and complimentary whenever you can. Don’t make things up, be realistic; however, remember that positivity breeds positivity and it may lead to a friendlier atmosphere for the family.

Avoid divisive subjects. Find ways to change the discussion or even leave the room. This is not a time to solve the world problems or dissect the latest election.

Click here to read the rest of the article.