Jobs, Children and Marriage: 10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

During the early years of marriage, couples focus on building a nest, settling into careers and having children.

It is too easy, after the knot is tied, to focus less on the relationship and more on the job or the children which is why the divorce rate is so high for this time in a couple‘s life. It is not that spouses love each other less, it is more because they find themselves drawn in other directions and away from each other.

Things can erode before anyone recognizes what happens. Neither spouse is usually the “bad one”. The distancing usually just happens as life evolves.

As couples grow apart by failing to nurture the marriage, they open themselves up for one or both to become unhappy and lonely. Problems don’t get resolved, fun dissipates and opportunities for affairs or enjoying the single life with friends and colleagues can become more interesting than what is happening at home.

We have 10 ways to keep the love alive and make your marriage a priority.

1. Have a technology free-zone.
Cell phones, face book, video games … all are distractions for intimacy and have their own inherent problems. Designate a period of time each day to put the technology away and enjoy each other and the relationship.

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Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville

Why is it that people get married?

……Because we need a witness to our lives.

There are a billion people on the planet. What does one life really mean?

But in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything ….
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things … the mundane things.
All of it …
All of the time … Every day.

You are saying … “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed … because I will be your witness.”



From the movie, “Shall We Dance”

6 Myths About Love, Relationships and Marriage

* “You shouldn’t have to work at marriage.”
* “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”.
* “Personal happiness is more important than staying in a ‘love-less’ marriage.”
* “Arguing always destroys a relationship. You should never argue in a marriage.”
* “All problems can be solved in a marriage.”
* “Your partner should always ‘get you’. You should be able to finish each other’s sentences. Your partner is your soul-mate.”

Have you heard these myths about love and marriage?

Do you believe any of these myths and worry that something may be missing in your marriage?

If so, you are not alone. Holding on to these myths about love and marriage; however, will make living in a healthy marriage harder than it needs to be and may cause you to turn away from a marriage that could be saved and improved.

Often people have ideas about love and marriage that are unrealistic and then, when their own relationship does not match up to their ideas of what should be, they turn their attention outward, away from the marriage.

In this article, we want to share with you some of the truths and realistic thinking about love and marriage.

Click here to read the rest of the article: Myths About Love and Marriage.

Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville

Friends That Can Damage a Marriage

Flirtatious Friends

Watch out for friends who enjoy a “good chase”. Whether they are some one who, if you were single, might be of interest, or buddies who believe that a little “playing around” really never hurt anyone.

Hanging out with friends who have a different belief system can encourage wandering or other problems. When there is a “culture” of flirtation, it is hard to go in another direction.

Personal Happiness Coaches
Some will support you and keep you on track while others, who don’t value marriage, might very well encourage you to walk away from your marriage for your own personal happiness. With friends like this, there is often a disregard for commitment and finding ways (and help) to work through tough situations.

Personal happiness gurus might think you are better off on your own or looking for a “better” relationship because, they might say, “your happiness is most important“.

Party Girls and Guys
A good time with friends is usually a good thing for a couple. For some, there is a culture of partying a lot, often accompanied by a lot of alcohol. Good judgment and healthy marriage behavior can be lost when hanging around others who value a good time more than they value marriage and family.

A word about individual friends.

By all means, hang on to your good friends from childhood, school, neighborhood or work, especially if they are supporters or encouragers in your marriage. If your spouse has any objections at all to these relationships, however, then it is time to take a good hard and objective look at them and decide if those relationships have become more of a priority than your spouse.

Too much time spend in individual relationships and activities can lead to growing apart rather than growing together. Seek out couple friendships and make sure that you are socializing and sharing more with your spouse than all of your other friends put together.

Tip of the Week

The person who benefits most from forgiveness is the person who forgives.

Marriage and Friends: Help or Damage Your Relationship?

Good friends, especially good couple friends, can enhance a marriage. They can be playmates, sounding boards, and support through tough times. Some friendships enhance a couple’s relationship while others seem to steer things off in the wrong direction.

It is important to pay attention to your friendships and decide if they are ones that will support you through your lives together and help in building and maintaining a healthy marriage or promote heading in a different direction and away from your marriage.

You can learn a lot from others who are going through or have gone through some of the same struggles that you experience. What a relief it is to know that you are not alone in the struggles of parenting or dealing with career and family or aging parents … whatever stage of life you are in at the time.

Think about the relationships that you and your partner have right now and see if you can determine what category they might fall in to.

Friends That Enhance a Marriage

Committers
Couples who believe in commitment are helpful when the times are tough or the “itch” to give up bubbles up.

As a marriage and family therapist, I am always happy when I hear couples use phrases like “I know we will get through this” or “We are committed to our marriage and divorce is not an option”. When that value is present, then problems are dealt with very differently. Choosing friends who also have that same belief will support a marriage.

Supporters

Cultivate friendships with couples who are glad to be a listening ear and yet will always direct you back to your partner to work through problems. Sometimes, talking out loud about situations in your relationship can help you to calm down and develop a better perspective on a situation. At other times, sharing with someone who has gone through a similar problem, can offer suggestions for solutions.

Friends who will also encourage you to work through problems with your spouse are good supporters for the marriage.

Learners and Enrichers
Couples who bring new interests and activities can enrich a marriage. Life can become boring if you do the same old things all of the time. Having friends who bring new stories, activities and interests can keep relationships vital.

Couples who have new and different experiences also get some of the same changes in their brain chemistry that comes from an affair, although not to the same intensity. It is a good thing to have new, first time experiences.

Seek out couple friends who know how to expand their lives and join them in pursuits. Ballroom dancing classes? Golf or another sports activity? Travel with and without children? Movies? Classes or restaurants?

Check back here to read Part II: Friends That Might Endanger Your Relationship.

Tip of the Week.

The person who benefits most from forgiveness is the person who forgives.