Tip of the Week

Even though you may think (and often do) know your partner very well, you may not do a good job of reading him or her. When you operate from what you “know” he or she is thinking, you may be wrong. In fact, you may be very, very wrong.

Rather than telling your partner that you know what they are thinking or feeling, phrase it as a question and be open to the idea that you may be all wrong.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Tip of the Week

Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but cruelty is not. Above
all, happily married partners see each other as allies, not as adversaries.

~Frank Pittman

7 Habits of Successful Families

What a change 20 years has made in our lives!

Does it seem to you that life is more complicated than when you were growing up? Do you think that in many ways your parents had it easier? Certainly seems that way to me.
Not only has technology increased opportunities, both good and bad, but there are also a lot more complicated relationships in families as well as increased temptations for drugs, alcohol, and early sex. Bullying is another problem that is seen with increasing frequency in our schools and neighborhoods.

The changes in families and family structure are significant. What we used to think of as a “normal” or typical family (2 birth parents and 1 – 3 children) is no longer the “norm”. Today we have step-families (parents and grandparents), same sex couple families, adoptive families, bi-racial and multi-ethnic families, single parents, grandparents rearing grandchildren, and many others.

Parenting does not come with instructions, either, and it is often hard to figure out how to rear emotionally healthy and intelligent people, and yet this is an important skill required of parents even more today than in the future. Children have to learn how to think clearly and make healthy decisions for themselves. Successful families require a common sense and open approach to life and parenting.

A new book, "The Secrets of Happy Families", by Bruce Feiler was recently reviewed on NPR and that story, along with my experience with many families over my years as a therapist, leads me to suggest 7 habits of successful families.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online.com
Couples Counseling of Louisville.com

There is a therapist in all of us. Calm yourself and listen to your own inner wisdom.

Tip of the Week

"Have you decided what to get for your valentine this year? You could try something classic, like chocolates. Or something blingy,

like earrings. Or sexy, like lingerie.

"But if you really want to improve your relationship, you should give your loved one an i.o.u.

"Find a nice piece of stationery, and in your most graceful lettering, assert: 'I promise to write about our next three fights as though I were a neutral observer.' Then, doodle a heart on the page, stick it in a pretty envelope and give it to that special someone over dinner.

New research suggests that this may be the most valuable present you’ll ever give. After all, conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships, and the way people navigate it can affect not only their happiness, but their mental and physical health as well."

Diane Sollee, SmartMarriages

Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!

Throughout our many years of counseling couples who are in the beginning stages of recovering from an affair, we have heard the question “How long do we have to talk about this?” many times.

Affairs are so hard on couples to work through, but not impossible. One research study reported that 70% of couples who experience an affair are able to work through the effects successfully.

There is a common theme among those who were unfaithful … “let’s move on” and for their partners it is “we have a lot to talk about.” So … the question for the therapist is often “how long DO we have to talk about the affair”?

The answer, of course, is different for each situation and couple but generally there are some guidelines:

For effective affair recovery: Talk about it whenever the hurt partner needs to … for the first few days.

After that, find ways to limit the conversation to much smaller amounts of time in order to allow the relationship to heal and recover.

Click on this link to read the rest of the article "Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!"

Counseling Relationships Online.com
Healing from Affairs.com

Tip of the Week

Give your spouse or partner the same benefit of the doubt that you do for a child. Recognize that if he is cranky or she is a bit sharp, it may be because she or he has had a hard day, did not sleep, is hungry or bothered by something that has nothing to do with you.