Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Seven Ways to Connect With Your Partner
Here are 4 more ways to reconnect with your partner when you are feeling that you are fading away from each other.
4. Find ways to connect with each other, just to say “I am thinking about you” during the day. Send a text, call or email. Leave notes in pockets or lunch boxes. Find ways to remind your partner … and yourself, that he or she is important to you. If you find that you are the kind of person who gets caught up in the day, set your phone alarm, or find some way to remind yourself to do what might come naturally to others.
5. Physically touch, hold, soothe, snuggle with your partner. Reaching out and touching each other is a physical reminder of your connection. Touch invites caring. It is good to be playful in touch if your partner appreciates it. Romantic touch is not necessary all of the time. Warm and affectionate ways of saying “I love you” and “You matter” are great ways to nurture a relationship.
6. Share positive comments and affirmations. Gottman found that couples in healthy marriages have 5 minutes, accumulated throughout the day, of positive affirmations.
7. Don‘t sweep conflict under the rug. A lack of resolving conflict can easily lead to distance and loneliness in a marriage. Avoiding conflict may seem to help in the short run; however, if left unresolved, can lead to the distancing cycle that is a breeding ground for affairs. Learn ways to communicate calmly and respectfully about differences.
Many live with the myth that marriage and connection should come easily and, if it does not, then there is something wrong with the marriage or the partner. In actuality, for most, it involves a conscious decision to make the relationship a priority and find a way to make connection happen.
4. Find ways to connect with each other, just to say “I am thinking about you” during the day. Send a text, call or email. Leave notes in pockets or lunch boxes. Find ways to remind your partner … and yourself, that he or she is important to you. If you find that you are the kind of person who gets caught up in the day, set your phone alarm, or find some way to remind yourself to do what might come naturally to others.
5. Physically touch, hold, soothe, snuggle with your partner. Reaching out and touching each other is a physical reminder of your connection. Touch invites caring. It is good to be playful in touch if your partner appreciates it. Romantic touch is not necessary all of the time. Warm and affectionate ways of saying “I love you” and “You matter” are great ways to nurture a relationship.
6. Share positive comments and affirmations. Gottman found that couples in healthy marriages have 5 minutes, accumulated throughout the day, of positive affirmations.
7. Don‘t sweep conflict under the rug. A lack of resolving conflict can easily lead to distance and loneliness in a marriage. Avoiding conflict may seem to help in the short run; however, if left unresolved, can lead to the distancing cycle that is a breeding ground for affairs. Learn ways to communicate calmly and respectfully about differences.
Many live with the myth that marriage and connection should come easily and, if it does not, then there is something wrong with the marriage or the partner. In actuality, for most, it involves a conscious decision to make the relationship a priority and find a way to make connection happen.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Seven Ways to Connect with Your Partner
I often meet with couples who complain about growing apart as the challenges of daily living lure them into routines that leave little time for focusing on the relationship. This, coupled with the new and added stress of technology, invites people to be more involved with things other than their marriage.
Connecting with your partner is crucial to the stability of any marriage. It doesn’t take a lot of time to fan the flames of the relationship. In fact, research studies by John Gottman, PhD found that a simple 5 hours a week can make a difference in the quality of a couple’s relationship.
Here are 7 suggestions for ways to reconnect with your partner.
1. Find some way to connect with each other, even if it is only briefly, before you begin your day. Share a kiss and a bit about the plan for your day. If possible, have breakfast together, even if the children are rushing around with you. Spoon a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning and make sure that you are not always the small spoon.
2. Develop a ritual that involves sharing your day with your partner. Find some way to spend time every night processing your day. Use the time to talk about positive or stressful events. Share highs and lows with each other. Share confidences and secrets.
3. Plan a regular date every week, even if you never leave home. Dates don’t have to be fancy, but they do need to be time that is devoted to relaxation or fun and just the two of you. If finding a sitter is too expensive or too hard, make sure something happens after the children are in bed, over lunch or any other time that fits with your schedule. This should be a time that you devote to each other and last for at least a couple of hours, not hurried to fit in between events.
Check back for the next 4 ways to connect with your partner.
Read more of our articles at Counseling Relationships Online
Connecting with your partner is crucial to the stability of any marriage. It doesn’t take a lot of time to fan the flames of the relationship. In fact, research studies by John Gottman, PhD found that a simple 5 hours a week can make a difference in the quality of a couple’s relationship.
Here are 7 suggestions for ways to reconnect with your partner.
1. Find some way to connect with each other, even if it is only briefly, before you begin your day. Share a kiss and a bit about the plan for your day. If possible, have breakfast together, even if the children are rushing around with you. Spoon a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning and make sure that you are not always the small spoon.
2. Develop a ritual that involves sharing your day with your partner. Find some way to spend time every night processing your day. Use the time to talk about positive or stressful events. Share highs and lows with each other. Share confidences and secrets.
3. Plan a regular date every week, even if you never leave home. Dates don’t have to be fancy, but they do need to be time that is devoted to relaxation or fun and just the two of you. If finding a sitter is too expensive or too hard, make sure something happens after the children are in bed, over lunch or any other time that fits with your schedule. This should be a time that you devote to each other and last for at least a couple of hours, not hurried to fit in between events.
Read more of our articles at Counseling Relationships Online
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a New Relationship
Questions about my part in the relationship, both the positive and the parts needing change
No relationship ends completely because of one person. Even if the choice was a bad one, part of the reason it got bad has to do with the dance between you and your partner. Carefully look at how you handled situations and ways that you treated your partner.
• What have I learned that I have done well in relationships?
• What have I learned that I need to do differently?
• Do I sabotage myself in relationships?
• Have I received any advice from a trusted source that might give me information about how to be a better partner in a relationship?
No relationship ends completely because of one person. Even if the choice was a bad one, part of the reason it got bad has to do with the dance between you and your partner. Carefully look at how you handled situations and ways that you treated your partner.
• What have I learned that I have done well in relationships?
• What have I learned that I need to do differently?
• Do I sabotage myself in relationships?
• Have I received any advice from a trusted source that might give me information about how to be a better partner in a relationship?
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Remember when … Look at a picture, watch a video, remember a happier time together. Revisit all of the good memories and talk about what happened then … what each of you did to help make that a special time.
Dissect what you did and what you most appreciated about your partner and what he or she did that made that a special time. As you notice softer, kinder and better feelings slowly come. Talk about how to keep them alive in the present.
Dissect what you did and what you most appreciated about your partner and what he or she did that made that a special time. As you notice softer, kinder and better feelings slowly come. Talk about how to keep them alive in the present.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Questions to ask Yourself About Making Healthy Choices in a Partner
Ask yourself these questions about how you make choices in a partner.
Some people seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. Choices are often made that are familiar and feel comfortable. When the choices are healthy ones, then the possibility of a good relationship is high. When choices in partners are negative ones, it is only a matter of time before the relationship develops problems.
• What have I learned about the choices that I make in partners?
• Do I seem to be picking the same kind of person or making the same mistakes over and over again when making a choice? (Do I often pick partners that are disrespectful? Distant? Have difficulty with affection? Abusive? Have addictive personalities?, etc.)
• Have I clearly identified what characteristics, qualities and values are important to me in a partner?
• Am I looking to find something in someone else that I don’t have in myself?
• Am I more concerned about whether or not the other person is right for me than if I am right for them?
• Do I know that I cannot change another person?
Some people seem to make the same mistakes over and over again. Choices are often made that are familiar and feel comfortable. When the choices are healthy ones, then the possibility of a good relationship is high. When choices in partners are negative ones, it is only a matter of time before the relationship develops problems.
• What have I learned about the choices that I make in partners?
• Do I seem to be picking the same kind of person or making the same mistakes over and over again when making a choice? (Do I often pick partners that are disrespectful? Distant? Have difficulty with affection? Abusive? Have addictive personalities?, etc.)
• Have I clearly identified what characteristics, qualities and values are important to me in a partner?
• Am I looking to find something in someone else that I don’t have in myself?
• Am I more concerned about whether or not the other person is right for me than if I am right for them?
• Do I know that I cannot change another person?
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