Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Connecting: Men and Women Do It In Different Ways
Men and women view love, experience closeness, and derive comfort from intimacy in different ways. Men and women both value love and want a close, caring relationship and yet, there is generally a difference in the way they relate to intimacy.
Here are some of the ways that men and women feel loved and connected.
What Women Want:
Conversation. Talking about the day, the relationship, feelings … about each other and the life together.
Listen. When she talks, put down the remote or computer and pay attention to her. Ask questions that show you are interested in what she is saying and how she is feeling.
Advice only when asked. Even though men have a natural tendency to want to help solve problems, women just need to have someone who listens and is interested in what she is saying.
Affection. Women really like physical and non-sexual signs of affection like holding hands, kissing gently and warm hugs.
Love. Women want to be told that you love them in a way that is meaningful. This does not have to mean flowers and gifts. Rather it can be the words with a loving gaze.
Honesty. Women want someone that they can trust, who will be open with them and not “sugar-coat” reality. Women are stronger than men think and can often handle the truth and forgive more easily if they know what has happened.
Apologies. Women want men who are not afraid to say that they are sorry or made a mistake. They respect vulnerability.
Help. Women want men who are not afraid to help them with housework and children. One research study found that men who helped with housework and chores reported happier sex lives.
What Men Want:
A playmate. Men want someone who will be involved in activities with them.
Respect. Men want to feel like their partner values and respects them and show it in the way that they talk to and about them.
Affection. To the surprise of some women, men also really like physical and non-sexual signs of affection like holding hands, kissing gently and warm hugs.
Appreciation. Men need to feel appreciated and their efforts recognized, even for simple things like taking out the trash or emptying the dishwasher.
Support. Men want someone that they can talk to and count on to be a shoulder to lean on. They do not want a lot of advice, just someone who lets them know that she is on his side. Men appreciate kindness and caretaking.
Sex. Men feel more connected during and after sex and often find that this leads the way to more conversation and affection.
Honesty. Men want women that they can trust to be open and direct with them.
Humor. Most men like someone who has a good sense of humor and a positive personality.
Appearance. Men, like women, have certain ideas about what is attractive to them. Certainly, women who take care of themselves, physically, emotionally, mentally and fiscally are important to most men.