Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Stand By Her Man?

Why does she stay with him?
How can she do that?

These are the questions that we are hearing often as yet another public figure is in the media for infidelity. From Bill and Hillary Clinton through Eliot and Silda Spitzer, many public figures have been filmed making public statements with their wives by their sides. We see many other couples who really stand together, with a great deal of pain, but with love and commitment and find ways to survive … often thrive, in spite of tremendous betrayal and hurt.

Jim Cramer, the economics guru, was being interviewed this morning by Meredith Viera on the Today Show about the 416 point stock surge on the stock market yesterday. She then asked him about his close friends, Eliot and Silda Spitzer. They have been friends since Harvard Law School. Cramer’s eyes teared up and his voice was clearly in great pain as he then talked for several minutes about how much he loves this man … and his wife … and 2 days after the announcement, he still has trouble believing it.

We can not go inside the heads, hearts or marriages of others. Many people will say with clear conviction, “If he (or she) betrays me, then the marriage is over.” and yet, when faced with that problem, their thoughts and feelings are rarely that certain. Spouses stick together for many different reasons, love not being the only one. Often there are many other factors: children, time together, history of the relationship, money, family, religion, political futures are just some of those reasons.

Many marriages do come out significantly better … we have been privileged to be witnesses to these spouses as they courageously work through these incredible difficulties. Not all of these marriages can be saved; however, … and yet we respect a great deal, these women who chose not to give up so quickly.

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