8. Stay positive with your spouse. When you need to tell him about problems with the children, find a way to do it softly and gently. These are his children and criticisms about them will feel like a criticism of him and his parenting. Recognize his difficult role and strategize with him about how to handle problems. You want your marriage to make it long after these children have grown up and have left home.
9. Accept the fact that you may never love these children; in fact, it may be hard to even like them much of the time. That happens in many step families. Find some aspects of them and their personalities to like and show them respect. Watch for any changes along the way as you, and they, age together.
10. Be your own best friend. Find time to be alone, exercise, visit with friends and talk with other women in the same situation. This is a long process and there is no quick and easy answer. Take care of yourself and build your stamina for the long haul.
While many step families do not survive, there are also many that do. With patience, humor and a lot of working together, you can be one of those who make it work.
Do you have any experiences or questions to share with us? We welcome your comments, questions and feedback.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville
Advice for Relationships
Showing posts with label step moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label step moms. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Top 10 Strategies for Stepmothers … the First 3
There are some things that stepmothers can do to have the best chance of thriving in her stepfamily. Here are some suggestions.
1. Stepmothers need to find ways to be patient and go slowly. There are lots of complications and twists in people and relationships in step families. Nothing can be ”fixed” immediately. Many of the problems are not about you. As they say in al-anon, “You did not cause it. You cannot control it and you cannot cure it.” Be patient, go slowly and find ways not to take things personally.
2. Find your role as the stepmother in your new family constellation. Don’t expect to mother another woman’s children. Look for a different role with them that can evolve over time.
Work with your partner to define your role and responsibilities. Make sure that everyone in the family is aware of what these roles and responsibilities are …. and what they are NOT. Ask him to be your ally in this and work with you as you all figure this out together.
3. Spend time alone with your stepchildren. Relationships take time to build and it is hard to achieve respect without a peaceful relationship. Spend time each day that you are together just learning more about them and their lives. Ask a few questions, without judgment, and listen carefully.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville
Advice for Relationships
Healing from Affairs
1. Stepmothers need to find ways to be patient and go slowly. There are lots of complications and twists in people and relationships in step families. Nothing can be ”fixed” immediately. Many of the problems are not about you. As they say in al-anon, “You did not cause it. You cannot control it and you cannot cure it.” Be patient, go slowly and find ways not to take things personally.
2. Find your role as the stepmother in your new family constellation. Don’t expect to mother another woman’s children. Look for a different role with them that can evolve over time.
Work with your partner to define your role and responsibilities. Make sure that everyone in the family is aware of what these roles and responsibilities are …. and what they are NOT. Ask him to be your ally in this and work with you as you all figure this out together.
3. Spend time alone with your stepchildren. Relationships take time to build and it is hard to achieve respect without a peaceful relationship. Spend time each day that you are together just learning more about them and their lives. Ask a few questions, without judgment, and listen carefully.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville
Advice for Relationships
Healing from Affairs
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