1. Recreate your first date. Try to remember where you went, what you did, what you wore, what you ate, what you talked about. Re-create as closely as you can.
2. Put candy kisses in your sweetheart’s pockets, car, at the kitchen table, and leave a picture with a heart next to them.
3. Surprise is a wonderful way to bring back romance. Think of something that your partner really wants or would like to do … and get it or plan it.
4. Find something playful to do … swing on a swing set, play miniature golf, have a pillow fight, bring home the ingredients for “some mores” …
5. Leave love notes in unexpected places.
6. Have dinner alone and with candlelight using the best china and silver.
7. Come up with 25 reasons why you love your partner and write them out in a card or out them on small slips of paper in a box for him to open.
8. Look clearly into your partner’s eyes for a few seconds and, while holding that gaze, tell her how much you love her.
9. Find pet names for each other that express endearment and caring.
10. Give her flowers on each of your children’s birthdays.
11. Reminisce about how you fell in love. What were the first signals to you that this was a different relationship? When did you first notice that you were in love and when did you first say it out loud? What were some of the earliest things about your partner that you noticed and led to the feelings of love?
12. Listen to songs that were popular when you fell in love? Choose a song that is “your” song.
13. Celebrate the anniversary of your first date … every month.
14. Write in a journal on a regular basis with highlights of your life together. Read it together on your anniversary.
15. Watch a romantic old movie together like .. Casablanca, Marty, An Affair to Remember or Doctor Zhivago.
16. Take a bubble bath together.
17. Pack a picnic a find a spot where there are no other people around.
18. If you have young children and cannot get away easily, plan a special time after they are in bed. Light candles, put on music, fix something interesting to eat and drink. Think of two or three items of conversation that might reveal more to you about your partner like “What was your favorite thing to do as a child? Tell me all of the reasons you liked it.” or “What is your biggest dream, realistic or not?”
19. Talk about a couple, real or on the screen, that you really like and think of their relationship as very romantic. Talk about all of the reasons that make you think that. Is there anything that they do/have done that you could do?
20. Tell your partner 5 things that you love and appreciate about him. Give him all of the reasons that make you say that. Share one example of a time when she/he showed that quality.
Showing posts with label rekindling romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rekindling romance. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Re-kindling Romance and Passion
Rarely is there a marriage where passion and romance endure over the years. More frequently it is a burning ember that needs constant attention … and it is quite easy for the fire to go out. This dilemma affects young couples who have been together for a short while, as well as older couples who find themselves becoming more like roommates than sweethearts.
While more women than men seem to protest that fatigue or an intimate connection with their spouse outside of the bedroom leaves them with little interest in love-making, it is surprising how many men also acknowledge a waning interest in connection and love-making. Romance and passion start outside of the bedroom, both with connection and caring behaviors as well as with positive thinking, the body’s largest and most important sexual organ.
John Gottman’s research reports that men who help with housework and child care, report a higher rate of sexual activity. Women often feel more passionate and connected when their men talk with them and show non-sexual touch like hugging standing up, kissing and hand-holding. Men often feel more connected when they share activities with their women and when they make love.
Rekindling romance and passion often have to be made from conscious decisions to do something different and making the relationship a priority. It may require couples to subtract time from other activities in order to add this in. It also may require a conscious decision to change thinking and to remain focused on what is wanted and desired rather than what is absent or fading away.
What dilemmas, ideas or suggestions do you have?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Can we fall back in love?
I love him but I am not in love with him.
We seem to have lost that spark and I do not have those same feelings for her any more.
We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had.
Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships. It is rare for both parties in a couple to have those same, warm and connected feelings all of the time. And, yes, it is possible to fall back in love with your spouse.
Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually. An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and interest. If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and we will share some thoughts about that on another thread.
Often these feeling and thoughts; however, are more about taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children, social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage and nurturing the couple relationship. When partners do not nurture their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and isolated.
Some will decide that this is reason enough for a divorce. One research study, however, noted that couples who do stay together and find a way to bring their marriage back to life, report happiness 5 years later with appreciation for having found a way to stay together.
So …
How do you try to bring those feelings back? It certainly helps if more than one of you are working on this, however, even one person can make a difference in the relationship. Here are a few ideas to help you begin to turn things around.
· Look at pictures of happier times together and reminisce about those experiences together.
· Every day, think about one good characteristic about your spouse that you really like and admire. Try to remember specific things that he or she has done to demonstrate that characteristic. Ponder on that one all day. The next day, choose another one. Tell your partner about your appreciation for that characteristic.
· Schedule dates with each other and make sure that they are occasions when you do not talk about any problems, just about what has happened during the day, weekend plans, etc.
· Only talk about your spouse and your life in good ways to family and friends.
· Reignite your sexual relationship.
Do you have other ideas for things that you have done that worked for you … or for others that you know? If so … please add those to our comments section for others to see as well.
We seem to have lost that spark and I do not have those same feelings for her any more.
We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had.
Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships. It is rare for both parties in a couple to have those same, warm and connected feelings all of the time. And, yes, it is possible to fall back in love with your spouse.
Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually. An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and interest. If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and we will share some thoughts about that on another thread.
Often these feeling and thoughts; however, are more about taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children, social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage and nurturing the couple relationship. When partners do not nurture their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and isolated.
Some will decide that this is reason enough for a divorce. One research study, however, noted that couples who do stay together and find a way to bring their marriage back to life, report happiness 5 years later with appreciation for having found a way to stay together.
So …
How do you try to bring those feelings back? It certainly helps if more than one of you are working on this, however, even one person can make a difference in the relationship. Here are a few ideas to help you begin to turn things around.
· Look at pictures of happier times together and reminisce about those experiences together.
· Every day, think about one good characteristic about your spouse that you really like and admire. Try to remember specific things that he or she has done to demonstrate that characteristic. Ponder on that one all day. The next day, choose another one. Tell your partner about your appreciation for that characteristic.
· Schedule dates with each other and make sure that they are occasions when you do not talk about any problems, just about what has happened during the day, weekend plans, etc.
· Only talk about your spouse and your life in good ways to family and friends.
· Reignite your sexual relationship.
Do you have other ideas for things that you have done that worked for you … or for others that you know? If so … please add those to our comments section for others to see as well.
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