Affairs, the Hurting Spouse

Question:
I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me. All of the advice that I read is to go slowly and not overreact. HOW CAN I NOT SCREAM, YELL, CRY AND THROW THE CHEATER OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

Response:
The advice that you have been given is good. Many a marriage that could have survived ended abruptly and with a quick reaction rather than a well-thought-out plan.

Finding ways to calm yourself as you talk through the experience … over days, weeks and months, will help your marriage and each of you as individuals. You will have an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself.

This is not easy and each person has to find ways to think clearly. It does not mean that you cannot let your spouse know how hurt, angry, disappointed and deceived you feel … in strong terms. It does mean that your marriage has a much greater chance to succeed and grow if you allow yourself and your spouse time to think through what has happened and work through it (mostly) calmly.

We would be interested in learning about your experiences in this time of first revelation of an affair. Please head over to our Healing from Affairs forum and share your experiences, comments, questions and successes.

Healing from Affairs

Check out our new resource and online counseling website, Healing from Affairs.

We decided to develop this website because we have so many couples that we meet who have been impacted by an affair. Healing is never easy but, if couples move through it with thoughtfulness and respect for each other, most marriages do recover and can even grow stronger.

Yes, there are many painful thoughts and feelings that this engenders in couples … certainly for the one betrayed but also for the one who betrayed. We hope that this can become an opportunity for learning and sharing issues, concerns and even successes.