We now have a facebook page. Check it out. We will have regular tips, videos, articles and links that address many different relationship dilemmas.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Online-Counseling/173754826800?created
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Online Counseling, Can This Work?
Does online counseling work?
Can it help me with my problems?
How does it work?
Do you talk on the phone or text or email?
How can things be confidential and private?
Online counseling of one form or another (email, chat and phone) has been around for over 10 years now. It began with therapists connecting with clients through technology instead of, or in addition to, regular face-to-face sessions. As the use of the computer and the ease of telephones and instant messaging has increased, so has the interest in receiving help with personal problems over the internet.
More and more people are using the internet to search out answers to questions. Some questions are not ones that articles, books or message boards can answer effectively. Some need the individual help and support that only a trained professional can offer.
Online counseling has been shown to be effective with a large number of problems. While not many studies have been done in this area, reports and testimonials from some consumers indicate that online counseling can be as helpful as in-person therapy for many problems.
One study did show that it was as effective in treating depression as in-person therapy when clients received regular sessions, completed homework and workbook assignments and took part in online forums. Research continues on this delivery system for counseling and we will update this guide as we receive more information.
In-person, live therapy, is still the preferred choice for most therapists and clients; however, in today’s world, sometimes online counseling is the only choice.
Before deciding if online counseling might fit for you, you should ask yourself a few questions. A couple of them are:
Do I want a relationship with a therapist?
A relationship with an online therapist, even if it is with the phone and with a video camera, does not have the same personal qualities as sitting in a room together. You will not feel the same care, concern and warmth over email or on the phone as you would in person. While you can get a good “feel” for your therapist, especially if it is over the phone, most likely there will not be the same connection as sitting in a room together.
How can I decide if this person is qualified to help me?
Some people find a good therapist by checking with friends or their doctor. You cannot do that so easily over the telephone. Be sure to check his or her credentials and affiliation with organizations. For instance, if you are looking for someone who can help you with a relationship, you might want to see if that person is licensed as marriage and family therapist and a member of The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Read some of the articles or book reviews that this therapist has written on his or her website and ask for an opportunity to talk briefly to see if there might be a “fit”.
CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com
Can it help me with my problems?
How does it work?
Do you talk on the phone or text or email?
How can things be confidential and private?
Online counseling of one form or another (email, chat and phone) has been around for over 10 years now. It began with therapists connecting with clients through technology instead of, or in addition to, regular face-to-face sessions. As the use of the computer and the ease of telephones and instant messaging has increased, so has the interest in receiving help with personal problems over the internet.
More and more people are using the internet to search out answers to questions. Some questions are not ones that articles, books or message boards can answer effectively. Some need the individual help and support that only a trained professional can offer.
Online counseling has been shown to be effective with a large number of problems. While not many studies have been done in this area, reports and testimonials from some consumers indicate that online counseling can be as helpful as in-person therapy for many problems.
One study did show that it was as effective in treating depression as in-person therapy when clients received regular sessions, completed homework and workbook assignments and took part in online forums. Research continues on this delivery system for counseling and we will update this guide as we receive more information.
In-person, live therapy, is still the preferred choice for most therapists and clients; however, in today’s world, sometimes online counseling is the only choice.
Before deciding if online counseling might fit for you, you should ask yourself a few questions. A couple of them are:
Do I want a relationship with a therapist?
A relationship with an online therapist, even if it is with the phone and with a video camera, does not have the same personal qualities as sitting in a room together. You will not feel the same care, concern and warmth over email or on the phone as you would in person. While you can get a good “feel” for your therapist, especially if it is over the phone, most likely there will not be the same connection as sitting in a room together.
How can I decide if this person is qualified to help me?
Some people find a good therapist by checking with friends or their doctor. You cannot do that so easily over the telephone. Be sure to check his or her credentials and affiliation with organizations. For instance, if you are looking for someone who can help you with a relationship, you might want to see if that person is licensed as marriage and family therapist and a member of The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Read some of the articles or book reviews that this therapist has written on his or her website and ask for an opportunity to talk briefly to see if there might be a “fit”.
CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tip of the Week, June 21, 2009
Photo by Walt Ratterman
I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my
father taught by example in one week. -- Mario Cuomo
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Conflict and Couples: Standing Up For Yourself
Remaining calm and hearing out your partner are not the only things that are important in relationships. It is also important to find ways to stand up for yourself. Giving in truly is not always the best response, even if it seems to keep the peace.
There are lots of drawbacks to giving in a lot. The biggest one, of course, is that resentment tends to build as you discover that very little is going your way.
Tim grew up in a family that was loud and angry. He often retreated to his room or to the garage just to get away from the yelling in his family. He vowed never to have a relationship like that so he avoided any kind of conflict with Terry. While Terry found that she often got her way, she also felt frustrated that Tim did not share his thoughts with her and she also noticed that he might go along with what she wanted but often did not seem very happy about it, sometimes even angry.
Tim needed to learn how to stand up for himself in calm, respectful, direct and firm ways. Here are some of the things he said has helped him.
* Tim learned to figure out in his own mind what his needs, thoughts or beliefs were. He learned to understand what it was that was important to him and the reasons for this.
* He began to hear and understand, even if he did not agree with or accept, Terry’s position.
* Tim considered her opinion and determined if there was anything that she wanted or needed that he could agree with and accept.
* He let Terry know that he heard her and respected her as a person but did not agree with her. He told her that his ideas or desires were different than hers and directly and calmly explained them.
* There were a few times that Terry tried to dismiss Tim, especially at first when she was not used to him disagreeing so directly with her. At those times, he again stood up for himself by telling her that he felt dismissed and needed for her to listen to him. There were several times that he had to do that, and eventually Terry learned that she could not always have her way about things.
* There were even a few times that Terry continued to be loud and disrespectful and Tim told her that he was not willing to continue the conversation at that point. He promised to come back to talk with her when they were both calmer and in a better place to listen to each other.
Tim got very good at sorting through the things that were important and that he needed to stand up for and what things were less important and he could lovingly let go and allow Terry’s needs to prevail.
Contact us at CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com if you would like some coaching on how you can stand up for yourself.
Feel free to leave questions or comments here and maybe we can have some discussion about what has worked for you as you have learned to stand up for yourself.
There are lots of drawbacks to giving in a lot. The biggest one, of course, is that resentment tends to build as you discover that very little is going your way.
Tim grew up in a family that was loud and angry. He often retreated to his room or to the garage just to get away from the yelling in his family. He vowed never to have a relationship like that so he avoided any kind of conflict with Terry. While Terry found that she often got her way, she also felt frustrated that Tim did not share his thoughts with her and she also noticed that he might go along with what she wanted but often did not seem very happy about it, sometimes even angry.
Tim needed to learn how to stand up for himself in calm, respectful, direct and firm ways. Here are some of the things he said has helped him.
* Tim learned to figure out in his own mind what his needs, thoughts or beliefs were. He learned to understand what it was that was important to him and the reasons for this.
* He began to hear and understand, even if he did not agree with or accept, Terry’s position.
* Tim considered her opinion and determined if there was anything that she wanted or needed that he could agree with and accept.
* He let Terry know that he heard her and respected her as a person but did not agree with her. He told her that his ideas or desires were different than hers and directly and calmly explained them.
* There were a few times that Terry tried to dismiss Tim, especially at first when she was not used to him disagreeing so directly with her. At those times, he again stood up for himself by telling her that he felt dismissed and needed for her to listen to him. There were several times that he had to do that, and eventually Terry learned that she could not always have her way about things.
* There were even a few times that Terry continued to be loud and disrespectful and Tim told her that he was not willing to continue the conversation at that point. He promised to come back to talk with her when they were both calmer and in a better place to listen to each other.
Tim got very good at sorting through the things that were important and that he needed to stand up for and what things were less important and he could lovingly let go and allow Terry’s needs to prevail.
Contact us at CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com if you would like some coaching on how you can stand up for yourself.
Feel free to leave questions or comments here and maybe we can have some discussion about what has worked for you as you have learned to stand up for yourself.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Tip of the Week, June 14, 2009
Change the time of day or the location when having a disagreement or fight. If you usually fight at night, get your partner to agree to only disagree during the daytime … and actually schedule a time for the conflict. If you generally fight in the bedroom (one of the worst places to fight) then agree to move all of your fights to the kitchen … or out to the back deck. If you have fought in every room in the house, then agree that all disagreements must be taken outside.
Changing the location and time can change the flavor and feel of the disagreement and help keep partners from falling into the bad patterns that caused problems in the past.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Conflict and Couples: How To Stay Calm
What is it about couples and conflict? How can some people listen calmly when having a disagreement with their partner?
What is their secret?
When you are criticized or attacked, the first response is often to defend yourself or fight back with counter-charges. After all, how unfair does it feel to be criticized!
Responding to a complaint by getting defensive or mounting a counter-offensive, may work in the short-run. You may be able to end the conversation or diffuse the fight; however, there is usually damage to a relationship that may be difficult to repair. Couples who are unable to talk through concerns often grow apart and the distance can erode the loving feelings for each other.
Tips for Couples and Conflict
Here are some tips for you to keep your cool and listen to your partner as he or she talks about a problem or concern that they experience with you.
1. Keep in mind that the best way to have your opinion considered is to hear someone else talk about theirs. When someone feels heard and understood (not necessarily agreed with), then their mind is much more likely to hear your ideas.
2. When having that “defensive talk” inside your head, (statements like: “She is being unfair” or “How can he talk like that?”) take deep breaths and remind yourself that there will definitely be time for you to talk about your ideas.
3. Masters in couples and conflict keep in mind that the relationship is more important than “winning” an argument. This does not mean that you want to let your partner run all over you, you may have to clearly stand up for yourself, but the health of the relationship will be best if you can remain calm.
4. Remind yourself and your partner, out loud, that you love her/him and that you want to find a way to work through problems. Making simple repair attempts can really help to calm things down.
5. In the event that you find you are really flooded and having a tough time remaining calm, take a time out. Let yourself calm down and think clearly about what you heard, your partner’s thoughts and feelings and what you want to make sure you eventually get across.
Using these tips can help make you an expert on couples and conflict.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville
What is their secret?
When you are criticized or attacked, the first response is often to defend yourself or fight back with counter-charges. After all, how unfair does it feel to be criticized!
Responding to a complaint by getting defensive or mounting a counter-offensive, may work in the short-run. You may be able to end the conversation or diffuse the fight; however, there is usually damage to a relationship that may be difficult to repair. Couples who are unable to talk through concerns often grow apart and the distance can erode the loving feelings for each other.
Tips for Couples and Conflict
Here are some tips for you to keep your cool and listen to your partner as he or she talks about a problem or concern that they experience with you.
2. When having that “defensive talk” inside your head, (statements like: “She is being unfair” or “How can he talk like that?”) take deep breaths and remind yourself that there will definitely be time for you to talk about your ideas.
3. Masters in couples and conflict keep in mind that the relationship is more important than “winning” an argument. This does not mean that you want to let your partner run all over you, you may have to clearly stand up for yourself, but the health of the relationship will be best if you can remain calm.
4. Remind yourself and your partner, out loud, that you love her/him and that you want to find a way to work through problems. Making simple repair attempts can really help to calm things down.
5. In the event that you find you are really flooded and having a tough time remaining calm, take a time out. Let yourself calm down and think clearly about what you heard, your partner’s thoughts and feelings and what you want to make sure you eventually get across.
Using these tips can help make you an expert on couples and conflict.
Counseling Relationships Online
Couples Counseling of Louisville
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