Roles in Relationships

Pam’s mother was an attorney and a very strong woman. Her dad traveled with his job in sales. They were very business-like in their decision-making and handled most things jointly.

There was a lot of humor in Pam’s family but not a lot of warmth. Caring and concern were usually shown through purchases and experiences. Pam was very clear that her parents loved her and each other but it was shown more through gifts, money and travel rather than affection.

Jim’s family was somewhat different. He grew up in a family that was very loving and openly affectionate. His mother worked part-time as a nurse and still managed to do all of the cooking, laundry and child care. His dad helped out a bit with chores inside and handled everything outside. Jim’s dad handled the family finances and made most of the decisions about money. They had a lot of family time together and his parents really protected their time alone.

When Jim and Pam married, they had different ideas for how a marriage should be lived and what the roles “should“ be in relationships. Neither one was wrong. They were just different. They brought to the marriage what many do, their own ideas and expectations for their roles and that of their spouse in the relationship.

We all come to relationships with ideas of how we and our partner “should“ behave. Sometimes our ideas and expectations for roles in relationships are similar. Sometimes they are different. Problems can arise when partners have different ideas for each of their roles in relationships.

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Marriage Counseling: Can It Help?

Problems in your marriage?
Unhappy with where things are right now between you and your partner?
Wonder if couples therapy might make a difference?

What do you have to lose? Facing up to the situation and owning your part in it can be a step in the right direction.

Most couples wait a long time after a problem develops before they ever ask for help. Research shows that problems may go on for 6 years before a couple either asks for help or ends the marriage.

The longer that a problem goes on, the more likely it is that positive feelings and behaviors will erode and disappear. Couples therapy may be able to help you resolve the problems that you are experiencing.

A skilled and knowledgeable couples therapist can provide a safe haven to talk about the hardest of issues and can teach you the skills to be able to carry on those conversations at home.

Good marriage counselors do not want their couples to hang around forever. They want them to be able to be successful on their own.

Here are some good reasons to see a couples therapist.

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