Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. When having a disagreement, think that maybe, just maybe, your partner may have an idea that he or she wants you to consider and is not out just to “get you” or be disagreeable.
Humor helps a lot. The more that you can laugh together or at yourself (not at your partner) the more likely it is that overall good feelings about each other and the relationship will keep you focused on a positive solution.
Stay positive in your conversation. Talk about what you like and want more of rather than what you do not like and want your partner to STOP doing or change.
Above all, keep in mind that the person you are disagreeing with is your life partner. He or she was, and hopefully still is, your best friend. Talk together in ways that show your respect and love.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tip of the Week, June 26, 2011
Don’t expect that repeating the same attempted solution will get different results. For different results, do something different.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
3 Ways to Repair Damage During Conflict
Here are three suggestions for ways to repair damage to a relationship during conflict.
Realize that there are many different ways to reach a solution and both of you can be right. There is rarely only one way to solve a problem. Entertain the idea that many different ideas need to be considered before settling on something that fits. Thinking of the conflict in this way invites you both to consider a bigger picture.
Recognize that different styles beget different ideas. Most often, neither is inherently wrong. Many partners have different approaches to issues like parenting, finances, sex and others. Respect each other’s ideas as valid even if different from your own.
Use lots of phrases to calm down the tension. Some phrases to consider are ones like:
“I love you and I want us to find a way to work together on this.”
“We have figured out ways to work through this before, I feel certain we can do it again.”
“I am starting to get upset and I know that this is not the best time to discuss a
difficult subject. How about if we take a break and talk again after dinner?”
Realize that there are many different ways to reach a solution and both of you can be right. There is rarely only one way to solve a problem. Entertain the idea that many different ideas need to be considered before settling on something that fits. Thinking of the conflict in this way invites you both to consider a bigger picture.
Recognize that different styles beget different ideas. Most often, neither is inherently wrong. Many partners have different approaches to issues like parenting, finances, sex and others. Respect each other’s ideas as valid even if different from your own.
Use lots of phrases to calm down the tension. Some phrases to consider are ones like:
“I love you and I want us to find a way to work together on this.”
“We have figured out ways to work through this before, I feel certain we can do it again.”
“I am starting to get upset and I know that this is not the best time to discuss a
difficult subject. How about if we take a break and talk again after dinner?”
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Healthy Relationship Is More Important Than Winning An Argument: Discover 6 Ways To Repair Damage During Conflict
Is it more important for you to protect your relationship than it is to win a fight?
Can you disagree without being disagreeable?
Are you able to keep the love showing while conflict is flowing?
If your answer is “yes” to all of these questions, then you may not need to read any further. If any of these presents a strain for you; however, there may be some useful tips here for you.
All couples disagree. According to researcher, Dr. John Gottman, it is usually about the same things over and over again. In fact, his research points out that about 2/3rds of all disagreements are usually about the same issues.
Some couples are masters at working through conflict and keeping a good relationship as their primary focus. They truly disagree without being disagreeable.
Couples who can find ways to repair any damage to the relationship while they are having a disagreement, or, as some might call it, a fight, have more than half of the battle won. It makes so much more sense to compromise with or acquiesce to someone that you like and with whom you have a good relationship.
For others, repairing damage during conlict requires learning new habits and skills.
In future posts, we will discuss 6 different ways for you to repair damage to your relationship while you are having an argument.
Can you disagree without being disagreeable?
Are you able to keep the love showing while conflict is flowing?
If your answer is “yes” to all of these questions, then you may not need to read any further. If any of these presents a strain for you; however, there may be some useful tips here for you.
All couples disagree. According to researcher, Dr. John Gottman, it is usually about the same things over and over again. In fact, his research points out that about 2/3rds of all disagreements are usually about the same issues.
Some couples are masters at working through conflict and keeping a good relationship as their primary focus. They truly disagree without being disagreeable.
Couples who can find ways to repair any damage to the relationship while they are having a disagreement, or, as some might call it, a fight, have more than half of the battle won. It makes so much more sense to compromise with or acquiesce to someone that you like and with whom you have a good relationship.
For others, repairing damage during conlict requires learning new habits and skills.
In future posts, we will discuss 6 different ways for you to repair damage to your relationship while you are having an argument.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tip of the Week, June 21, 2011
One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with each other, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in love again.
Judith Viorst
Judith Viorst
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Discover Ways to Stay Calm Even in Conflict
Every couple has differences. Some of those issues need to be discussed while others will work themselves out over time and may not involve any conflict.
While there may not need to be a reason to fight about the differences, there are certainly reasons to have discussions and figure out ways to handle problems when you disagree. Conflict is not inevitable.
With volatile couples, those who are quickly triggered and have trouble avoiding a fight or conflict, it is important to signal ways to recognize when either partner is getting flooded and take a time out so that he or she can calm down before having any kind of conversation about their disagreement. Areas of conflict are handled much more successfully this way.
With couples, or maybe just half of a couple, who are more likely to run away from conflict, it is also important to recognize that the urge to run also comes from feeling flooded. If you give yourself or your partner the time to calm down, then it is likely that you can find a way to talk about the problem with out erupting into conflict.
Learning how to identify when you are flooded and calm yourself down is a skill that can be learned. Learning this skill can make you a master at handling conflict.
Click here to read the rest of the article which includes steps for staying calm during conflict.
While there may not need to be a reason to fight about the differences, there are certainly reasons to have discussions and figure out ways to handle problems when you disagree. Conflict is not inevitable.
With volatile couples, those who are quickly triggered and have trouble avoiding a fight or conflict, it is important to signal ways to recognize when either partner is getting flooded and take a time out so that he or she can calm down before having any kind of conversation about their disagreement. Areas of conflict are handled much more successfully this way.
With couples, or maybe just half of a couple, who are more likely to run away from conflict, it is also important to recognize that the urge to run also comes from feeling flooded. If you give yourself or your partner the time to calm down, then it is likely that you can find a way to talk about the problem with out erupting into conflict.
Learning how to identify when you are flooded and calm yourself down is a skill that can be learned. Learning this skill can make you a master at handling conflict.
Click here to read the rest of the article which includes steps for staying calm during conflict.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Tip of the Week, June 5, 2011
TWO WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee replied, "The one you feed."
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee replied, "The one you feed."
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