Discerning Questions to Ask As Romantic Relationships Deepen

Making healthy choices in relationships are important. People often have “blind spots” that preclude them from really getting to know another person. These blind spots may have developed in growing up years, come from prior rejections in relationships or poor feelings about yourself … as well as other ways that they find their way to one’s choice about whom to date and/or marry. We have developed some questions to use as a beginning guide on your journey toward healthy coupling. Do not be afraid to ask the hard questions if you want to insure that you have a person in whom to invest time and emotional energy.

Questions to ask (with variations) within the first few meetings:
1. Are you happy with your life? If not, what are you doing about it?
2. Are you happy with your job? If not, what are you doing about it?
3. Are you financially responsible? (Do you live within your means?)
4. Do you meet at least six out of my top ten desires in a relationship partner?
5. How do you get along with your family?
6. What is your relationship with alcohol and drugs?
7. What are your priorities in life? What ideas, values, relationships, activities, things are most important to you?

Questions to ask as you get more acquainted with this person:
1. What do you use for protection from pregnancy/sexually-transmitted diseases?
2. What has been your history of relationships?
3. Were all of the breakups the other person’s fault? Are you able to be reflective and accept some responsibility for the end of prior relationships?
4. How do you handle disagreements?
5. How do you decide when you want to date someone exclusively? What does that mean to you?

Questions to ask if the relationship begins to get serious:
1. What does commitment mean to you?
2. What was your parent’s marriage like?
3. What do you think about getting married (again)? What would be the good things about it and what are your worries/fears?
4. What are your ideas about the role of each spouse?
5. If children, what are your ideas about parenting/step-parenting?