Here are 5 tips for renewing your relationship:
1. Talk together to see if there are any unresolved conflicts or disagreements that need to be resolved?
Most couples do have common areas of disagreement. Unresolved conflict can lead to distance in a marriage. Talk together about whether or not the issues that have not been resolved need to be worked through. Can you do it together or would it be helpful to engage a consultant, coach or marriage counselor?
2. Are either of you harboring any resentments that have not been dealt with?
If you don’t talk about and resolve differences, it can lead to a build up of resentment that comes from feeling hurt, disappointed, diminished, angry, etc.. All of these negative feelings can block intimacy and connection in your relationship.
Many people believe that they are protecting their spouse by avoiding conflict; however, the repercussions to the relationship can be very destructive.
3. Forgive what can be forgiven. Accept what has happened in the past, even if might be unforgivable.
Many couples do want to save their marriage in spite of hurts and betrayals. It is important to find ways to work through these experiences together; however, even if they are not worked through, it never helps to hold on to negative thoughts and feelings.
Can you forgive what has happened? If forgiveness is not possible, are you able to accept that it happened in the past and yet, your partner and your relationship, have changed and you are in a much different space than before?
Tom had an affair early in their marriage, 12 years ago. Sandy learned about the affair and Tom stopped it shortly after. It was such a painful event for Sandy that she was certain that she could never forgive and definitely never forget about the betrayal. What did happen; however, is that Tom changed in many ways in the marriage. He was much more loving and respectful and they found new ways to connect. Eventually she found that she was able to accept that the affair had happened but Tom was different now, the trust was back in their marriage and they truly enjoyed being with each other.
4. Learn to live in the present.
Living in the past or worrying about tomorrow robs people of their ability to enjoy life now. Find ways to let go of the past, calm anxious worries and enjoy your present.
5. Focus on the goodness in your partner and in your relationship.
It is a much better place to be in when you can be grateful for the goodness in your relationship and in your partner than to think about what is wrong. This might be a time for the two of you to start a gratitude ritual or even a gratitude journal in which you share 3 things that day that you appreciate, like and love about your spouse and your relationship.
Counseling Relationships Online.com
Couples Counseling of Louisville
