Tip of the Week

Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels.

Often, that’s a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don’t want to. But other things are harder.

Try it: “I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.” “I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.” If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point.

Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.

~~ Wall Street Journal

Remember, you always get more of what you appreciate than what you criticize.

7 Marriage Mistakes That Loving Partners Can Make

Marriage is not as easy as it looks from the other side. Falling in love might be fairly easy; however, being half of a good marriage is not usually so easy. It takes work, knowledge, skills, talent and a good sense of humor … not to mention a healthy dose of emotional intelligence.

Sometimes people try to make things better in their marriage but actually make it worse. Here are some of those well-intentioned marriage mistakes that loving spouses can make.

Marriage Mistake 1. Being too positive
Positivity is important in any relationship. Looking at the goodness and what is right is so much better than dwelling on the negative and what is “missing”. Wanting to get your spouse from a negative place by encouraging “looking on the bright side” or forgetting about upsetting things is not always helpful, however. Sometimes you have to deal with the sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry feelings.

If you rush to change a mood, you risk the possibility that your partner will feel that his or her needs and feelings have been discounted. You also might risk the chance to experience intimacy and learn from your partner and the relationship. Hear your partner out before trying to change the mood or tone. Ask a lot of questions that get him or her to talk more with you about whatever is bothering them.

Marriage Mistake 2. Offering advice

When your spouse comes to you with a problem, it is often so easy to figure out how they can solve it, right? Wrong. Offering advice often gives the message that you are not really listening or that you don’t care. It is much better to listen and be a “sounding board” or a “shoulder to cry on” rather than offering solutions.

Click here to read the rest of the article on common marriage mistakes.
Counseling Relationships Online.com
Couples Counseling of Louisville.com

Tip of the Week

Even though you may think (and often do) know your partner very well, you may not do a good job of reading him or her. When you operate from what you “know” he or she is thinking, you may be wrong. In fact, you may be very, very wrong.

Rather than telling your partner that you know what they are thinking or feeling, phrase it as a question and be open to the idea that you may be all wrong.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.