Why is it that people get married?
… Because we need a witness to our lives.
There are a billion people on the planet.
What does one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you are promising
To care about everything …
The good things, the bad things,
The terrible things … the mundane things.
All of it …
All of the time … every day.
You are saying …
“your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.”
“Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will witness it.”
**********************
From the movie “Shall We Dance”
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Becoming a Couple: The Top 3 Perpetual Issues for Transitioning from Being Single to Being Half of a Couple
It can be a hard transition, moving from being single and independent, to being half of a couple. In my practice this week, I have seen 3 different couples who are struggling with just this issue, becoming a couple.
For the couples this week, the major challenge has been to decide what happens with relationships with former lovers. Many people today form close connections with those that they date. They often have a history together which usually precedes the current relationship. Sexual interest may no longer be present; however, the emotional connection with the former lover can feel threatening to the new partner.
When becoming a couple, making decisions together about how to shift loyalties (or in some cases, whether or not to even make that change) is often grounds for conflict. Those who are in the ongoing friendship may believe that it is harmless and innocent and often a very significant friendship. The other half of the new couple may be concerned that it will “blossom again” or he or she feels excluded and an outsider even if included in their activities.
In becoming a couple, it can be a struggle to determine how to build trust and reassure each other of commitment while, at the same time, not experiencing the losses of strong friendships.
This issue does become clearer with the stages of the couple relationship. When couples deepen their commitment from “seriously dating” to engaged to married, this decision becomes easier to make. One of the keys to success with this issue is to keep it from turning into a power struggle but to rather let it be the start of ongoing conversation.
For the couples this week, the major challenge has been to decide what happens with relationships with former lovers. Many people today form close connections with those that they date. They often have a history together which usually precedes the current relationship. Sexual interest may no longer be present; however, the emotional connection with the former lover can feel threatening to the new partner.
When becoming a couple, making decisions together about how to shift loyalties (or in some cases, whether or not to even make that change) is often grounds for conflict. Those who are in the ongoing friendship may believe that it is harmless and innocent and often a very significant friendship. The other half of the new couple may be concerned that it will “blossom again” or he or she feels excluded and an outsider even if included in their activities.
In becoming a couple, it can be a struggle to determine how to build trust and reassure each other of commitment while, at the same time, not experiencing the losses of strong friendships.
This issue does become clearer with the stages of the couple relationship. When couples deepen their commitment from “seriously dating” to engaged to married, this decision becomes easier to make. One of the keys to success with this issue is to keep it from turning into a power struggle but to rather let it be the start of ongoing conversation.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Tip of the Week, July 3, 2011
“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”
~John F. Kennedy
Ask not what your relationship can do for you. Ask what you can do for your relationship.
~John F. Kennedy
Ask not what your relationship can do for you. Ask what you can do for your relationship.
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